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The Airplane and Air Flight Laws of Physics

from Angel Shamaya
Founder/Executive Director
KeepAndBearArms.com

September 17, 2001

Following the dreadful morning when four American commercial airliners were used to murder thousands of people in the span of a couple of hours, there has been much discussion of arming pilots. Many people are also saying that even properly trained citizens should be allowed to carry firearms on planes, as well.

Before this discussion goes much further, it's important to understand the Laws of Physics on Air Flight and Air Travel. (Note: The following contains sarcasm in an attempt to show the irrationality of those who wish to continue to require all air travelers to be defenseless sheep. Read it with a watchful eye.)

Law

Effect of the Law on Citizens and Pilots Effect of the Law on Government Employees and Hired Bodyguards
Decompression Law When citizens and pilots use frangible ammunition designed to fragment upon impact or safety slugs that are designed not to go through a wooden door, the ammunition will go right through thick, pressure-tested materials -- defying its own design and testing -- and everybody will die. When government employees and hired Sky Marshals use frangible ammunition designed to fragment on impact or safety slugs designed not to go through a wooden door, the ammunition will function as it was designed to do -- and everybody will live.
Law of Decibel Disorientation Citizens and pilots get disoriented by the loud airplane engine and will do something stupid. This Law of Decibel Disorientation has been rescinded for government employees and hired Sky Marshals.
Law of Altitudinal Discombobulation Citizens and pilots cannot think clearly due to altitude. The Law of Altitudinal Discombobulation has been repealed for government employees and hired Sky Marshals.
Bad Shot When High Up in the Air Law A citizen or pilot with a firearm on an airplane would shoot innocent people and thus do more harm than good. Government employees and hired Sky Marshals are born under The Good Shot When High Up in the Air Law.
Good Shot When High Up in the Air Law This Law does not apply to citizens or pilots, even those who've shot more rounds of ammunition than any ten government employees alive. This Law applies to government employees and hired Sky Marshals without exception, even those who never go to the shooting range or when they do can't even begin to compete with teenagers who shoot IDPA matches every weekend.
Law of Self Preservation This Law does not apply to citizens on airplanes. This Law applies to government employees and hired Sky Marshals at any altitude including and especially on airplanes.
Hijacker Would Take Your Gun From You Law Citizens and pilots are completely overwhelmed by this law -- like a double law -- and could not maintain possession of their guns under any circumstances, even if they had extensive training in weapons retention and military experience in hand to hand combat. Government employees and hired Sky Marshals can maintain control of their firearms on airplanes at all times, even if they are the only person on board with a firearm and are simultaneously attacked by six crazed terrorists.
Being Outmatched Law 6 suicidal terrorists could outmatch 40 armed passengers. 1 Sky Marshal will always outmatch 6 suicidal terrorists in all ways, including strength, agility, physical prowess, dedication to the task at hand and overall ability to handle the situation.
Law of Capability No amount of training can make an armed citizen or pilot capable of dealing with terrorists on board an airplane. This includes war veterans who commanded units on the front lines in any recent armed conflict in which our nation was involved. With a few hours of training, one lone Sky Marshal is all it will take to dispatch 6 crazed terrorists hell-bent on dying for their religious beliefs and taking as many people as possible with them.
Law of Personal Interest Personal interest in getting safely on the ground overwhelms citizens and pilots and makes them behave irrationally. They also don't care about saving anyone but themselves. Not only are government employees and hired Sky Marshals on airplanes completely selfless and utterly heroic, they would gladly die to make sure everyone else on the plane makes it home safely.
Law of Motivation
(Note: The apparent contradiction between this Law and the Law of Personal Interest is based on and explained by the Law of Irrelevant Discrepancies.)
The motivation of pilots and passengers to simply get home safely and make sure that everyone else gets home safely is very small and weak, bordering on insignificant. Being motivated by the money they are being paid to do a job provides far more strength of character than the petty personal motivations of pilots and passengers.
Law of Safety No amount of military or civilian training can make pilots or passengers safe enough to allow them to carry firearms on a plane. Government employees and hired Sky Marshals are safe to carry firearms on a plane as soon as the government says so.

There are a other Laws of Physics that must be considered before arming pilots and passengers on commercial airliners, as well. Following are a the most important ones.

Law Additional Information About Law
Excessive Casualty Law A citizen using a gun on a plane might kill an innocent person. The threat is so severe that it's okay to let thousands of people die to avoid testing this dangerous Law. In fact, this Law is so ruthless we shouldn't even mention after today.
Law of Technology Confusion Pilots who command technologically-advanced, multi-million dollar aircrafts that take extensive training and testing to operate cannot handle a revolver due to the confusion created by its overwhelmingly intricate design, functions and features.
Law of Common Sense The Law of Common Sense dictates that only government employees and hired Sky Marshals be allowed to help protect thousands of lives including all of those on the plane. This is based on the application of all of the other Laws above.
Law of Ignorance The Law of Ignorance applies to anyone who does not apply the Law of Common Sense.

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 QUOTES TO REMEMBER
If I were an American, as I am an Englishman, while a foreign troop was landed in my country I never would lay down my arms, never! never! never! William Pitt, Earl of Chatham (1708-1778) Speech, Nov. 18, 1777

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